Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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