Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just high enough for therapy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
