pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize