i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
