I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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