It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
