My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
