At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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