so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
