let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
