Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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