i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
