operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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