Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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