I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
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This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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