i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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