somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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