I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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