my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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