If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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