his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
