You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
