3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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