You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize