the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
