when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
