what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
