So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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