I can text with my tongue
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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