He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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