Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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