You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
