It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
