last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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