ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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