If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
