i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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