eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
