I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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