I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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