That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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