So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
