i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
