Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
