I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
