Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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