i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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