So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
