fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
