you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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