i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
