You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
