I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
