I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
