He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
