Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
