:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
