if you like me you must not know who I am
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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