do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i will never coherently bang her
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
