Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
