That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
