We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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