It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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