normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
