What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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