dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
