I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
