just come out here and I will go home with you...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
