she was so not down for the gang bang
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
