I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
